State of the Tobi

So, I feel like just summarizing where I am, and shit like that, because I don't really think I've stopped to really think about myself in a while, and I can tell that things are different, and things that should have changed by now havent, and for the third year in a row I have totally abandoned old friends for the people I live in the same building as and have felt absolutely no remorse for it, because sometimes I think that my understanding that friendships have a lifespan is a little bit overboard.

So.

For one, I need to find a way to lose all of the old ideas I have of how I look or don't look and actually honestly assess my appearance, because I swing randomly between "What the hell kind of ugly is that?" and "Hot DAMN!" and I cannot figure out 1: why this happens and 2: where in that range I actually fall. This doesn't seem like much of an issue, except for the part where lately I've started having rather anorexic thoughts at times, and while those thoughts are very easily dismissed because hi, totally revamped my diet in a healthy way this semester and my always-on-the-last-notch belt is fitting looser already so I obviously don't need these thoughts, but the fact that I have them at all severely bothers me and is, I think, tied to the whole "What the fuck do I look like?" thing. The relative absence of attractive pictures of me on Facebook among the many that there are doesn't help, but I'm well aware that I just Do. Not. Make. Good. Pictures. Ever. Candid, posed, entirely sober and happy, sleep deprived as fuck, doesn't matter. Pictures of me are bad, and that's just a thing.

Anyway.

I need to learn how to cook this summer.

I need to stop doing that thing where I hear about an awesome opportunity way in advance of it happening, and then wait until like the week beforehand to do anything about it.

I lost so much academic motivation at the end of this semester, and I don't know why. This is not good.

I think I might finally start writing again this summer. This is good.

I'm going to rock the hell out of Cold Stone this summer. This is good.

I'm fucking EXEC in a student org, because not enough people ran for positions even after I last-minute decided to. I HAS A RESPONSIBILIY. FUCK. (Not that I can't handle it, but... this is not part of the plan. NOT PART OF THE PLAN. I AM GOING TO BE EXEC IN A STUDENT ORGANIZATION WHILE I'M STUDENT TEACHING. I AM GOING TO DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS OF STRESS SHIT FUCK CUNT FUCK BITCH.)

I should has more moneys from work in the fall?

I don't even know what's going on with my career plans after school. Go right into teaching? Go into whatever theatre I can for a few years, then teach? Teach, then theatre? Fuck teaching and just go into theatre? DO SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY? WTF, man. YOU HAD A PLAN BEFORE COMING TO SCHOOL. WHY DID YOU LET METHODS FUCK WITH YOUR BRAAAAAAAIN?

JESUS CHRIST, PEOPLE.

State of the Tobi

So, I feel like just summarizing where I am, and shit like that, because I don't really think I've stopped to really think about myself in a while, and I can tell that things are different, and things that should have changed by now havent, and for the third year in a row I have totally abandoned old friends for the people I live in the same building as and have felt absolutely no remorse for it, because sometimes I think that my understanding that friendships have a lifespan is a little bit overboard.

So.

For one, I need to find a way to lose all of the old ideas I have of how I look or don't look and actually honestly assess my appearance, because I swing randomly between "What the hell kind of ugly is that?" and "Hot DAMN!" and I cannot figure out 1: why this happens and 2: where in that range I actually fall. This doesn't seem like much of an issue, except for the part where lately I've started having rather anorexic thoughts at times, and while those thoughts are very easily dismissed because hi, totally revamped my diet in a healthy way this semester and my always-on-the-last-notch belt is fitting looser already so I obviously don't need these thoughts, but the fact that I have them at all severely bothers me and is, I think, tied to the whole "What the fuck do I look like?" thing. The relative absence of attractive pictures of me on Facebook among the many that there are doesn't help, but I'm well aware that I just Do. Not. Make. Good. Pictures. Ever. Candid, posed, entirely sober and happy, sleep deprived as fuck, doesn't matter. Pictures of me are bad, and that's just a thing.

Anyway.

I need to learn how to cook this summer.

I need to stop doing that thing where I hear about an awesome opportunity way in advance of it happening, and then wait until like the week beforehand to do anything about it.

I lost so much academic motivation at the end of this semester, and I don't know why. This is not good.

I think I might finally start writing again this summer. This is good.

I'm going to rock the hell out of Cold Stone this summer. This is good.

I'm fucking EXEC in a student org, because not enough people ran for positions even after I last-minute decided to. I HAS A RESPONSIBILIY. FUCK. (Not that I can't handle it, but... this is not part of the plan. NOT PART OF THE PLAN. I AM GOING TO BE EXEC IN A STUDENT ORGANIZATION WHILE I'M STUDENT TEACHING. I AM GOING TO DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS OF STRESS SHIT FUCK CUNT FUCK BITCH.)

I should has more moneys from work in the fall?

I don't even know what's going on with my career plans after school. Go right into teaching? Go into whatever theatre I can for a few years, then teach? Teach, then theatre? Fuck teaching and just go into theatre? DO SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY? WTF, man. YOU HAD A PLAN BEFORE COMING TO SCHOOL. WHY DID YOU LET METHODS FUCK WITH YOUR BRAAAAAAAIN?

JESUS CHRIST, PEOPLE.