(no subject)

Dear A,
It's astoundingly great that, in two short conversations at work, you have gone from severely, though not maliciously, ignorant of... not even trans* issues, but the basics of what falls under the umbrella to understanding the usefulness of cis*. That's really rarely awesome. But when your boyfriend showed up and you had to show off what you just learned and blindsided me into explaining it to a complete stranger so that you could be sure you didn't mess it up? I can't articulate the way that made me uncomfortable and, frankly, afraid. I've been working with you for nearly a year. I know you and some of the other people at work I've had these conversations with well enough that I know your reactions may not always be the most ideal, but there's no danger to worry about. If there were, I wouldn't have the conversations.

Dear Coworkers in general,
Please, stop treating me as an authority on trans* issues. I'm gay. I do my best to keep myself educated, but I'm extremely uncomfortable with doing anything more than the most basic of 101 educating, because it's not something I've experienced myself. I'm not going to let transphobia slide, but it's really not my place to explain the trans* experience to you. Please stop expecting me to.

To anyone who has ever tried to excuse a statement that hurt someone with "I didn't mean to be offensive":
If you were playing baseball in your backyard and didn't mean to hit an accidental wild foul ball through your neighbor's window, you would still apologize for the damage you caused, right? So why the hell is it different when you're talking to someone and make an accidental foul statement?

(Cross posted to queer_rage)

(no subject)

Dear A,
It's astoundingly great that, in two short conversations at work, you have gone from severely, though not maliciously, ignorant of... not even trans* issues, but the basics of what falls under the umbrella to understanding the usefulness of cis*. That's really rarely awesome. But when your boyfriend showed up and you had to show off what you just learned and blindsided me into explaining it to a complete stranger so that you could be sure you didn't mess it up? I can't articulate the way that made me uncomfortable and, frankly, afraid. I've been working with you for nearly a year. I know you and some of the other people at work I've had these conversations with well enough that I know your reactions may not always be the most ideal, but there's no danger to worry about. If there were, I wouldn't have the conversations.

Dear Coworkers in general,
Please, stop treating me as an authority on trans* issues. I'm gay. I do my best to keep myself educated, but I'm extremely uncomfortable with doing anything more than the most basic of 101 educating, because it's not something I've experienced myself. I'm not going to let transphobia slide, but it's really not my place to explain the trans* experience to you. Please stop expecting me to.

To anyone who has ever tried to excuse a statement that hurt someone with "I didn't mean to be offensive":
If you were playing baseball in your backyard and didn't mean to hit an accidental wild foul ball through your neighbor's window, you would still apologize for the damage you caused, right? So why the hell is it different when you're talking to someone and make an accidental foul statement?

(Cross posted to queer_rage)