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revieloutionnePff is such a cool word...
Anyway, I suppose I should write about what's been bugging me lately...
For about a week now, every time I try to go to sleep at night, I want someone there with me. Preferrably Eric, but someone. I don't know why, either. I cuddled a stuffed animal for the first time in ages.
And I need human contact. I've gone without touching someone else, intentionally or not, for so long that I suddenly started needing it. And I'm not getting any, which really sucks. Just shaking hands would be fine, but I went all of yesterday without touching anyone else, and all of today so far.
Am I really so deprived? Or did my acknowlegement of being gay break down a shell I'd put up to myself? I know that everyone I come in contact with in my daily non-online life sees a shell, and if they manage to get past that, there's a second shell. I don't know when I put them up, or why, but they've been up forever. Nobody noticed that I was depressed. 'Course, they don't notice when I'm not either, because I'm such an introvert offline, but that's not the point.
And I just... I don't know, but I'm starting to get depressed again... And I want to say something to Eric so much, but I've committed myself to waiting for band camp, so that's really bugging me.
And of course, on top of this, there's something else. Naturally. (Pff.)
There's this girl I know, and I talk to her a lot more than I do anyone else offline, except maybe Eric, because I tend to babble a little worse when he's around, and we have a lot in common.
So today I realized that had I any attraction to her beyond freindship, it'd probably work. But of course, I'm not. When fate finally hands me a girl who'd go out with me, I'm not interested. How typical. Of course, our friendship is on about the same level as mine and Eric's, so I really hope that he's not entirely straight. And sometimes, just what he says and how he says it, it doesn't seem entirely impossible that he's not gay.
But, that's enough from me. I think.
Has anyone else noticed how my posts are getting longer?
Anyway, I suppose I should write about what's been bugging me lately...
For about a week now, every time I try to go to sleep at night, I want someone there with me. Preferrably Eric, but someone. I don't know why, either. I cuddled a stuffed animal for the first time in ages.
And I need human contact. I've gone without touching someone else, intentionally or not, for so long that I suddenly started needing it. And I'm not getting any, which really sucks. Just shaking hands would be fine, but I went all of yesterday without touching anyone else, and all of today so far.
Am I really so deprived? Or did my acknowlegement of being gay break down a shell I'd put up to myself? I know that everyone I come in contact with in my daily non-online life sees a shell, and if they manage to get past that, there's a second shell. I don't know when I put them up, or why, but they've been up forever. Nobody noticed that I was depressed. 'Course, they don't notice when I'm not either, because I'm such an introvert offline, but that's not the point.
And I just... I don't know, but I'm starting to get depressed again... And I want to say something to Eric so much, but I've committed myself to waiting for band camp, so that's really bugging me.
And of course, on top of this, there's something else. Naturally. (Pff.)
There's this girl I know, and I talk to her a lot more than I do anyone else offline, except maybe Eric, because I tend to babble a little worse when he's around, and we have a lot in common.
So today I realized that had I any attraction to her beyond freindship, it'd probably work. But of course, I'm not. When fate finally hands me a girl who'd go out with me, I'm not interested. How typical. Of course, our friendship is on about the same level as mine and Eric's, so I really hope that he's not entirely straight. And sometimes, just what he says and how he says it, it doesn't seem entirely impossible that he's not gay.
But, that's enough from me. I think.
Has anyone else noticed how my posts are getting longer?
